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Adventures in Engineering
The wanderings of a modern ronin.

Ben Cantrick
  Date: 2003-12-17 18:58
  Music:the tortured screaming of irreparably damaged neurons
Oh sure, you</b> think I'm MAKING THIS SHIT UP, don't you? No way did someone actually register ELFPORN.COM - much less actually put up the kind of content you would expect at such a site. (Keanu at window)No way. NO WAY!(/Keanu)

CLICK ON THE LINK, FANBOY!!! I dare ya! I double-dog dare ya!! ;]
(Need I tell you this is NSFW?)

Congratulations! You've found, Elf Porn, the site you've been waiting for!! The only site on the net that provides you with REAL ELVES IN REAL PORN!!

In other news, we have a summary of What Tolkien Officially Wrote About Elves and Sex (SFW, actually):

Ever since the movie of the book Fellowship of the Ring came out, there seem to be two popular ideas about Elves’ sex lives. Either they are radiantly asexual, or they are all screwing each other madly, along with any dwarves, hobbits, and men who happen along. Whichever you prefer is usually based on how attractive you think Orlando Bloom is. Tolkien’s history of Middle-Earth provides us with some information about elvish sex lives. I collected these originally as a fic-writing reference.

(A reader has kindly provided a possible Quenya translation of the phrase "You sexy thing" into Elvish: "narlyë nat vanya." A literal translation of this is "you beautiful thing," but I can just imagine it being used in context.)

And finally, let us not forget that fangirls can use Photoshop too: Elf Slash Art! Including such pairings as: Elrond/Legolas, Legolas/Haldir, Haldir/Celeborn and Haldir/Orophin/Rumil. (I really, REALLY hope I don't need to tell you that's not safe for work OR your sanity...)
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May 2015