March 14th, 2008

Trajedy... for YOUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!

What's that? Pentagon's own report finds no Saddam <-> Al Qaida links?

The U.S. military's first and only study looking into ties between Saddam Hussein's Iraq and al Qaeda showed no connection between the two, according to a military report released by the Pentagon.

The assessment of the al Qaeda connection and the insistence that Hussein had weapons of mass destruction were two primary elements in the Bush administration's arguments in favor of going to war with Iraq.

The Pentagon's report also contradicts then-Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld, who said in September 2002 that the CIA provided "bulletproof" evidence demonstrating "that there are, in fact, al Qaeda in Iraq."

In short, the Bush administration is absolutely 100% full of shit, there never was any credible reason what so ever for us to invade Iraq, and there's absolutely no reason for us to still be there. (Not that this comes as a surprise to anybody with an IQ larger than their shoe size...)

History proves that lying about getting a blowjob is sufficient to get a president impeached.

Is starting a war for completely untrue reasons also sufficient?

Don't hold your breath. The American people love their wars. And the stinking, dickless cowards in Congress aren't going to do a damn thing.

No, America is too busy tittering like 12 year olds because some guy whose name they've never heard... paid for sex! 4000 American troops killed, 15,000+ innocent Iraqis killed, and the only thing on the front page headlines is: "Z0MG!!!! $POLITICIAN's cock!!"

God I fucking hate all of you morons... So very, very much.

Suburban Deadly Sins - delivered.

So I get home this evening, and there's a flyer on my door.

It's from some place called Sun Deli. Turns out to be a pizza delivery place, but they also deliver:

Stromboli, Calzones, Salads, Ice Cream, Firewood, Beer, Wine, Cigarettes and Condoms!

So I'm thinkin' to myself: "Okay, we definitely got sloth, gluttony and lust covered here. But how can we also integrate the other 7 deadly sins into this business model?"

Well, they could just bring you more stuff with your order...

Sin: Pride
Delivered Item: Fashionable Clothing

The latest Versache clothing and Louis Vuitton handbags can be added to your order, for a nominal fee of course. We can also recommend some smashing Dolce and Gabbana flats with that, darling!

Sin: Wrath
Delivered Item: Handguns!

Please specify Glock or Baretta. If Baretta, blue or stainless steel finish. Instant Background Check performed right at your door! Just the thing for those late-night marital disputes!

Sin: Envy
Delivered Item: SUVs!

For a mere $50,000 charge on your credit card, we'll drive your shiny new Ford Explorer out to you! (Please specify color and engine upgrade package when ordering.)

Sin: Greed
Delivered Item: Halliburton Stock Certificates!

Assuming the rest of the list just isn't enough for you... Now you too can reap massive profits from aggressive wars of petro-conquest, while simultaniously supporting the company that relentlessly screws over our troops, and whose board of directors includes one of the most corrupt and evil vice presidents in living memory! Every order comes with complimentary IRS form 1040-D!

What do you think? Is it a Dot-com 2.0 superstar? Only a clever domain-name registration and shiny logo away from becoming a reality?

This should be interesting...

Everyone has things they blog about. Everyone has things they don't blog about. Challenge me out of my comfort zone by telling me something I don't blog about, but you'd like to hear about, and I'll write attempt to write a post about it. Ask for anything: latest movie watched, last book read, boxers or briefs, motorcycling techniques, etc. Repost in your own journal if you are so inclined.