If I've been sending out resumes for the last 6 to 8 months, have I been trying to get a job long enough? If it's been 4 well-targeted resumes each week out of the 50-300 hits I get out of five different job sites (monster, dice, flipdog, yahoo jobs, geekfinder), for the last 6 to 8 months, have I been working hard enough looking for a job?
And what have I been doing wrong that, in that time, I've gotten one - count it, 1 - email back about possibly being considered for a job.
I'm trying not to have a sense of entitlement. I'm trying not to think or feel that just because I'm smart, well-educated and a hard worker, that I deserve a job. Any job. Like working part-time at Radio Shack, or doing mobile windshield repair. Two jobs for which I have also applied, as they surely could not be worse than working at Best Buy. And the reward for my diligence and effort in calling them back, politely and pleasantly asking if there's any news, filling out another application to replace the one they lost, etc, etc, etc? A deafening wall of silence. To quote Dreamcatcher: "Same shit, different day."
I'm getting very close to concluding that the world is completely insane.
I don't know. Maybe I should have just been a leech, a parasite on society, a welfare recipient like everyone else I know. Maybe I should cave in and become a member of the herd, like everyone else. Take the easy way out. Conform to and participate in a corrupt system I do not approve of, that I want to burn to the ground. "You'll be more popular." "All the cool kids are doing it."
If I have to destroy the world - or more likely, destroy myself - to get an honest job, then I will. I am NOT amused by this shit.
It's not socially acceptable to be angry about this kind of thing. We're all supposed to passively accept that "this is how things are, this is just the way life is, (happy sounding bullshit, happy sounding bullshit)." I don't buy it. The world is wrong. The world is insane. The world needs to be slapped across the cheek as hard as I can swing.
I am sure I hurt my chances for being hired by posting things like this in public. It makes me look like an unhinged maniac. Which is ironic, as I'm pretty calm IRL. But I refuse to be passive. I refuse to accept that something is "right" or "correct" simply because that is the present state of things. That is a trait I have always had, and one that has never given me occasion to hang my head in shame. I refuse to submit to society's dictates when they are wrong and stupid, and I will continue to refuse to do so as long as it takes. If I must lose the only material posession that I've ever given half a shit about in my life, then so be it. If I must be reduced to living on the street and taking the food that sustains my life as charity from the few who are kind and moral enough to give it, then so be it.
When the scales come to balance, I will be able to look Peter in the face and say, "I never did anything that more than very slightly compromised my principles. Even when I was pressured by everyone - my family, my friends, my boss and co-workers, society as a whole. I told them all to go fuck themselves if they didn't like my adherence to what is just, fair and right. And I do not believe this makes me a bad person."
Constructive criticism is welcome. Hell knows I could use some advice - any advice. But if you post "you're just not trying hard enough" or any variant thereof, I'm going to flame you so hard that even the skin between your butt-cheeks is going to be black and crispy.