Ben Cantrick (mackys) wrote,
Ben Cantrick

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Why mania now?

It's 4:30am. For the last several hours, I have been futiley trying to sleep. It ain't happening. I'm wired up wide awake, and I don't think it was just the mountain dew that I had 11 hours ago. I had dinner with Michael (someone I know from IRC) tonite, and he saw it. I'm walking fast, talking fast, and my brain is on a slightly jittery kind of fast-forward.

I suppose taking up jogging (again) and aikido (anew) in the last week might have had something to do with it. I also think adding regular milk back into my diet recently might have helped. And there's the fact that testing the analog circuit went very well this evening. But I don't think those are all the factors. I'm just in the grip of one of my happy manias, and there may not be any real reason for it. Not that I'm complaining, mind you. I think I once told robinrook that "mania is not the problem - depression is the problem." Mania is a wonderful thing, at least in small doses. And I keep reminding myself that there's a strong correlation between creative genius and manic depression.

But as I tend to do with many things, I'm over-analyzing the question of "why now?" Isn't it a little early for spring fever? But this is probably as futile as trying to sleep. There's no particular reason for this to happen just now, any more than there's any particular reason it's cloudy on any given Tuesday. Somewhere in my brain something stopped pumping out enough GABA or melatonin, and all of sudden it's a monoamine fiesta in my hypothalamus and everyone's invited! Wheeee!!

I suppose mainly just wish I had something I consider worthwhile to expend this energy on. Normally I'd probably spend this time happily tearing through multiple thick volumes on some complicated subject, gathering knowledge for future projects I do not yet know about. Hanging out with friends is good too, though sometimes when I'm in these moods it's hard for people to keep up, for the same reasons Pooh sometimes has a hard time keeping up with Tigger. ;]

Maybe I should just go hang out with willowred's hyperspazoid dingo-dog. If THAT doesn't tire me out, nothing will. ;D
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