"I've Got Your Freakin Ferret - And I'm Abusing It"
That's right, I've got your ferret. I found it last night at two AM at Damen and Warner. We actually almost ran over it. I wanted you to know that I am a horrible parent, and I've wasted no time getting to work raising your ferret in the worst possible way. It's friendly and loving and came when I called it on the street, which probably turned out to be one of the worst mistakes of its stinky little life, because I'm making a real mess of it. Some of my current parenting atrocities include:
-Letting it stay up all night watching violent television [...]