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"Today, we salute you, Mr. Idiot 1% Commuter..." - Adventures in Engineering — LiveJournal
The wanderings of a modern ronin.

Ben Cantrick
  Date: 2006-03-14 19:45
  Subject:   "Today, we salute you, Mr. Idiot 1% Commuter..."
Public
  Mood:sardonic


"In an increasingly congested and hard-fought commute, with stop and go, bumper to bumper traffic practically the norm during all daylight hours... one man struggles against all odds. His goal: to make traffic EVEN WORSE."

o/~ "Mr. Idiot 1% Commuter!"

"No Interstate, Minor throughfare, School Zone, or Residential Alleyway is safe in your presence. The most mundane driving actions, practically brainstem function even for those of us with 35th percentile IQs, are a thrilling challenge for you."

o/~ "Is that brake pedal on the left, or on the right, yeah..."

"Presented with a 35 MPH speed limit, divided Boulevard with two lanes in each direction, you managed to have an accident so bad it attracted two firetrucks, four police cars, a Denver Emergency Rescue Squad wagon, and completely blocked ALL FOUR LANES of Speer Blvd for hours on end. Along the way, you turned your SUV into a crumpled ball of metal so tightly twisted together, not even a welding torch could cut you free from the wreckage."

o/~ "Bring ouuuuttt the Jaws of Life now!"

"You've successfully proven that your driving skills are inferior to those of a common chimpanzee. A chimpanzee... that never took Driver's Ed. So crack yourself an ice-cold Bud Light, Mr Idiot 1% Commuter. But please, not while you're behind the wheel. You're stupid enough... just the way you are."




I have got to stop being on the road with these dumb animals. The shit I see more than once per week is absolutely unbelievable.
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  User: jigenm4c
  Date: 2006-03-14 23:52 (UTC)
  Subject:   (no subject)
But then, the question we leave with is... "Did you arrive at your destination on time?"
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Ben Cantrick
  User: mackys
  Date: 2006-03-15 00:53 (UTC)
  Subject:   (no subject)
No.

;D
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  User: waterreflecting
  Date: 2006-03-15 00:32 (UTC)
  Subject:   who cares if you arrive on time, with idiots on the road!
I often wondered during my 1.8 years of Boulder to Denver Commute that Mr. Nick did it from Boulder to the TECH CENTER for 4 years or something. Maybe has some words of wisdom to share and help spare your sanity.

If I had not had a boyfriend/fiance/husband in Boulder, I would have moved to Denver in a heart beat, and eventhen I still dreamt about it :)

I meant to do this many times but never got around to it...If you cell phone *277 you can supposedly report excessively aggressive or idiotically dangerous drivers right to the state patrol.

http://www.csp.state.co.us/trafficsafety.cfm?Page_ID=5
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  User: nickhalfasleep
  Date: 2006-03-15 00:56 (UTC)
  Subject:   Re: who cares if you arrive on time, with idiots on the road!
I think having a hybrid is more fun, and with video game experience you become desensitized to the other drivers. I don't get mad at the turtles in Super Mario World. I just avoid and overcome them. Keeping a 60+ milage on co 93 is what kept me busy beyond thinking about stupid drivers.

Especially when it's the highest rated coupe in collisions, so it was a big game.

That.. and a William Wallace style driving attitude.
"You may take my lane... but you'll never beat.. MY MILAGE!!!!"

I think every car should have a current / total MPG dial on it.
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Willow: DI Impactor
  User: willow_red
  Date: 2006-03-15 03:09 (UTC)
  Subject:   Re: who cares if you arrive on time, with idiots on the road!
Keyword:DI Impactor
I agree there. Though I do sometimes resent the amount of time spent on the road when I could be doing something else, other drivers don't get on my nerves that badly. When some jerk speeds past me, weaving in and out of traffic, I can just look at my mileage and smile. Heck, even driving a normal Civic, you still get way better mileage than the pigs in their SUVs.

Sometime last year, I read an article about a study that showed that hybrid drivers actually lower their blood pressure when they get behind the wheel, as opposed to drivers of normal cars, whose blood pressure rises. They attributed this result to a sense of smugness ;).

Hmm, I wonder how much it would cost to add current/total MPG dials to normal cars. $100? $200? I bet you could easily offset the cost with better driving habits.
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Ben Cantrick
  User: mackys
  Date: 2006-03-15 01:25 (UTC)
  Subject:   Re: who cares if you arrive on time, with idiots on the road!
I often wondered during my 1.8 years of Boulder to Denver Commute that Mr. Nick did it from Boulder to the TECH CENTER for 4 years or something.

GAH! This is only the start of week three and I'm already itching to bring my sword along and leave a nice little "V" shaped hole in someone's hood when I stab their car straight through the engine compartment!!

Maybe has some words of wisdom to share and help spare your sanity.

I don't need anyone's help to figure this out out, the solution is obvious: Don't commute long distance! Or at least, don't drive I-25 or US-36 during rush hour. Simply do not put yourself into that herd of stupidly bleating sheep!

I've got to start finding alternate routes, and avoiding rush hour. It's that simple.

I meant to do this many times but never got around to it...If you cell phone *277 you can supposedly report excessively aggressive or idiotically dangerous drivers right to the state patrol.

Given what a type-A maniac (w/rabies) that I am behind the wheel, I'd have to report myself. ;]
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  User: nickhalfasleep
  Date: 2006-03-15 07:12 (UTC)
  Subject:   Re: who cares if you arrive on time, with idiots on the road!
Oh a sword just won't do. You need 7.62mm AP rounds. And an SUV hunting license. They are in season to. Terrible overpopulation problem with them.
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Ben Cantrick
  User: mackys
  Date: 2006-03-15 17:57 (UTC)
  Subject:   I was thinking of something a little larger.
.50 cal chaingun with steel jacket, depleted uranium core slugs. You know, something that will go all the way through an engine block like it's dense fog.
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Alex Belits: mona
  User: abelits
  Date: 2006-03-15 08:14 (UTC)
  Subject:   Re: who cares if you arrive on time, with idiots on the road!
Keyword:mona
I've got to start finding alternate routes, and avoiding rush hour. It's that simple.

Your choices are:

1. I25->Speer (shortest, but no idea how busy it is in the morning).
2. I25->Colorado (long, but goes through a wide enough street to have no slowdowns).
3. I270->Colorado (same thing from the North, may be worse).
4. I25->Colfax->Colorado (no idea if there is any benefit, but I don't think Colfax west from Colorado can be blocked for too long).
5. I25->Alameda (busy intersection at the exit, narrow street).
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Ben Cantrick
  User: mackys
  Date: 2006-03-15 18:00 (UTC)
  Subject:   Re: who cares if you arrive on time, with idiots on the road!
The Speer portion of the commute is surprisingly tolerable. It's I-25 starting just before 20th street, and 36 south of the Federal exit. The reason it's slow both of these places is because there's a lot of merging traffic from both. And dumb people would rather slam on the brakes than get over to the left lane. (I mean, why would they want to do that? If they did that, everyone would be happy. The mergers would get to merge into empty lanes, and the people already on the road would get to keep whizzing by. God no, we CAN'T allow that to happen.)

I'm thinking of exiting 36 at Federal and taking it south to where Speer begins, west of I-25. Then I can shoot down Speer all the way to Cherry Creek. The question is, how bad is Federal?

Colorado, incidentally, is a parking lot during all three of morning, lunch and evening rush hours.
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  User: waterreflecting
  Date: 2006-03-15 18:33 (UTC)
  Subject:   Re: who cares if you arrive on time, with idiots on the road!
I've done this when there was an accident on the 36 exit ramp to I-25. Federal takes FOREVER by the time you get there you will have spent HOURS waiting at stop lights. I also had several employees who lived near Federal and 36 and they all took 36 to 25...rathter than Federal.
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Ben Cantrick
  User: mackys
  Date: 2006-03-15 18:56 (UTC)
  Subject:   Damn.
Do you know if Pecos is any better?
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  User: waterreflecting
  Date: 2006-03-15 19:43 (UTC)
  Subject:   Re: Damn.
sorry, but pecos dead ends into 70 and then you get stuck in the clusterfuck of cars merging form 70 back to 25...which is worse than 36 to 25...
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Ben Cantrick
  User: mackys
  Date: 2006-03-16 00:34 (UTC)
  Subject:   I am so fucked...
Looks like I'll have to spend a lot more time looking at the map. The obvious stuff just isn't doing it.
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Alex Belits
  User: abelits
  Date: 2006-03-16 06:20 (UTC)
  Subject:   Re: I am so fucked...
There is Sheridan... Something tells me that it won't be any better than Federal or Pecos.
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Alex Belits: abi-station-small
  User: abelits
  Date: 2006-03-16 06:10 (UTC)
  Subject:   Re: who cares if you arrive on time, with idiots on the road!
Keyword:abi-station-small
It's I-25 starting just before 20th street, and 36 south of the Federal exit.

I-25 between I-70 and city exits is a massive bottleneck, far worse than another one between I-225 and 470 that I have to go through. No idea about 36, I usually have to drive there off-peak.

The reason it's slow both of these places is because there's a lot of merging traffic from both. And dumb people would rather slam on the brakes than get over to the left lane. (I mean, why would they want to do that? If they did that, everyone would be happy. The mergers would get to merge into empty lanes, and the people already on the road would get to keep whizzing by. God no, we CAN'T allow that to happen.)

Gendo does it, even when I point it out at those rare occasions when I have to be in his car. But that's Gendo.

Colorado, incidentally, is a parking lot during all three of morning, lunch and evening rush hours.

Then I guess, I have successfully managed to avoid it at those times -- my commute only comes to a grinding halt somewhere on I-25 or Arapahoe.
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