Ben Cantrick (mackys) wrote,
Ben Cantrick

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"Today, we salute you, Mr. Idiot 1% Commuter..."

"In an increasingly congested and hard-fought commute, with stop and go, bumper to bumper traffic practically the norm during all daylight hours... one man struggles against all odds. His goal: to make traffic EVEN WORSE."

o/~ "Mr. Idiot 1% Commuter!"

"No Interstate, Minor throughfare, School Zone, or Residential Alleyway is safe in your presence. The most mundane driving actions, practically brainstem function even for those of us with 35th percentile IQs, are a thrilling challenge for you."

o/~ "Is that brake pedal on the left, or on the right, yeah..."

"Presented with a 35 MPH speed limit, divided Boulevard with two lanes in each direction, you managed to have an accident so bad it attracted two firetrucks, four police cars, a Denver Emergency Rescue Squad wagon, and completely blocked ALL FOUR LANES of Speer Blvd for hours on end. Along the way, you turned your SUV into a crumpled ball of metal so tightly twisted together, not even a welding torch could cut you free from the wreckage."

o/~ "Bring ouuuuttt the Jaws of Life now!"

"You've successfully proven that your driving skills are inferior to those of a common chimpanzee. A chimpanzee... that never took Driver's Ed. So crack yourself an ice-cold Bud Light, Mr Idiot 1% Commuter. But please, not while you're behind the wheel. You're stupid enough... just the way you are."

I have got to stop being on the road with these dumb animals. The shit I see more than once per week is absolutely unbelievable.
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