Ben Cantrick (mackys) wrote,
Ben Cantrick
mackys

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Fear and Self Loathing in Conservative-ville.


No, this isn't a post about the mid-term elections. Yay, the Democrats won! Whee! ... So the hell what. I remain highly skeptical that the same party that allowed Bush's absolutely phony war resolution to pass, and also meekly stood by while a blatantly unconstitutional disappear and torture bill flew through Congress, will have the balls to do anything meaningful about W. They get no love from me until they prove that they have some kind of actual principles beyond "do whatever is necessary to stay in office." Until then, fuck 'em. As usual, all I ask is that they prove me totally wrong.

Well, okay, maybe there's one thing I do want to say about the mid-terms. And that is, screw anyone who wanted the election in Virginia called for the Democrat early. You guys have learned NOTHING from Florida in 2k. If we're going to have a functional democracy, then every vote must count, and every vote must be counted. And if there's any doubt in the minds of anyone involved in the process that we got the count wrong, then it needs to be done again. And again. And again after that, if necessary. As many times as it takes until we're sure we got it right. Anything less is not democracy - it is random luck plus an oligarchy of vote-counters.

Never be afraid to lose honestly. If you need an example, look no further than Rick Santorum, whose concession speech was surprisingly - I might even say shockingly - intelligent. It showed a tremendous maturity on his part, a maturity that I was heretofore convinced that he didn't have given his "gay" = "dog fucking" comments. And, oh yeah, can we please stop making fun of his 8 year old daughter? I admit I am a sick, sick little monkey and laughed pretty hard at this. But truthfully, there's nothing wrong with her crying because her dad lost. She's just disappointed, and that's perfectly natural. We have plenty of great targets in the conservative ranks to tear apart, and for entirely legit reasons. Can we please not pick on blameless little kids who, after all, didn't get to choose who their parents are?


But far more interesting in my mind than the mid-term elections, have been the contortions that the Republicans are going through lately with regards to the scandals within their own ranks. I admit, what brought this to mind was Dan Savage's op-ed piece in the NYT today. Which I recommend, since it seems to sum up things rather nicely. What it totally fails to capture for me personally, though, is the great sense of schadenfreude hilarity I have about the whole thing. For me, the funniest thing about the Foley, Haggard (great name for a politician!) and that meth-snorting, gay-prostitute patronizing priest - not that there's anything wrong with that! - is that... the only people who cared that they were gay? The conservatives!! Nobody on the liberal side of the fence could give a hoot. We're all like, "Oh, he's gay? Okay, but tell me how he voted on the Clean Water Act again?" It's the Republicans who are all in a panic, running around in circles, waving their arms, eyes big as saucers, hyperventilating and totally clueless about what to do. Watching the culture warriors whirl themselves up into a tizzy and make total fools of themselves, over something that nobody else cares about, was the most hilarious thing I've seen happen in DC in years.

I felt a similiar amusement when Richard Perle recently turned on the White House and laid the now obvious failure of the war in Iraq on Bush's head. Now, give the guy credit: he's at least smart enough to see the obvious fact that nobody in the White House seems to have been able to notice, even as it beats down their door. But I'm still amused by both his fair-weather friend, only-while-we're-winning mentality (Loyalty? Principle? What are those?), as well as his complete inability to understand his own role in creating the problem! Cuz, you know, it's not like both Bush Sr. and Stormin' Norman warned us 15 years ago that taking over Iraq was a really bad idea. No, no! It's not that Perle and his friends at the NeoCon think-tanks were totally wrong about invading Iraq - of course not! It's just that Bush did a bad job of it! If he had just run things better, we would have been greeted as liberators! And we would have found all those huge stockpiles of Weapons of Mass Destruction that Saddam absolutely had! And terrorism would have been abolished from the planet once and for all! America, fuck yeah!! ;D


I'd tell the conservatives to quit being such hilariously tight-assed homophobes (maybe listen to your bretheren in the Log Cabin Republicans once in a while? Eh?) and maybe get a clue about unjustified wars of aggression, but frankly the entertainment value is just too good. Please, keep hanging yourselves. This is the most fun I've had watching politics since Bill Clinton swore up and down that he "did not have relations with that woman" way back in '98.

(You know... Monica was an intern. Do you think maybe the Democrats should make up some slogan like: "The Democrats: At least all of OUR intern-boinkers are straight!" I think it'd play huge in the red states!![1])

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[1] "Huge (In The Red States)" may need to be the name of TTTP's second album...
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